emmy roundup
I’d like to clarify, again, that I didn’t actually watch the awards. I got all the winners info from Twitter (look at me all fancy)—-but I did spend a good chunk of my day pouring through photos to compile my oh-so-official list.
Enjoy.
I generally love all things Quinn Fabray, but looking at this dress gives me a seizure. It looks like the love child of Little Bo Peep, curtains from the 1400s and a horrible Betsey Johnson cupcake dress (which is the least awesome threesome ever)—-and when you didn’t think it could actually get any worse you start to notice the unnaturally long ribbon ends of the bow that was unnecessary to begin with. Major fashion faux pas, Fabray. Sue Sylvester is judging you.
style points: -15
Thankfully one of the Glee cheerleaders got it right. I used to think sequins were the work of the devil, but lately I’ve been drawn to all things multi-faceted and sparkly. Little miss Brittany doesn’t only get props for the fact that her dress gives me a somewhat valid reason to say ‘oooh shiny’ in a creepy voice—-her hair and makeup compliment the bold dress with just the right amount of elegance and her accessories give her a little touch of sparkle. As if she needed any more.
style points: 12
I really don’t know what to say about this. Yes, Heidi Klum, we understand that even though you and your scarred husband are perpetually procreating you still have a rocking bod that can walk a lingerie runway weeks after giving birth—-but since you’re a mother of a herd that rivals Brangelina’s (and you’re not 19 years old on your first trip to Vegas) don’t you think this dress shows a little too much skin and the sensible thing to do is cover up? Yes, the dress is hot. Very hot. But Blake Lively wore more fabric than this when she played a stripper in the movie with the creepy nuns, and you don’t want to be the one who makes Blake Lively looks tasteful and classy.
style points: -20
propriety points: -47
life points: -infinity, mainly for following the gospel of Beyonce when she said ‘if you got it, flaunt it.’
Claire Danes? Seriously? Where did she come from and how is she relevant again? The only things I remember her from are Romeo and Juliet and Stardust, and even though they’re both quality movies they don’t equate relevance. The dress, however, is flawless, but I expected no less from Armani Prive. The subtle sparkles compliment her skin tone without washing her out and for once I love the minimal makeup and no jewelry look so the dress got all the glory it deserved. I’m going to revoke my earlier questions about why she chose to come out of hiding because if that means she’ll grace the masses with looks like this again then I’m a-okay with her lack of relevance.
style points: 18
But I am not okay with Keri Russell coming out of hiding. The awful flower in the even more awful hair-style makes a haute couture gown look eerily similar to a tacky bridesmaid’s dress and the neckline and pleating are the furthest things from flattering. Go back to your Felicity days, Russell. You want people to remember you in your prime.
style points: -12
It breaks my little pop-guru heart to critique my ultimate girl crush, Kim Kardashian, but I have to. I will give her credit for not wearing a one shoulder black skin tight dress (because she recently wrote a heart-wrenching farewell to her collection of them on her website) but just because she’s trying to branch out doesn’t mean she has to forgo things that actually flatter her beyond famous body. I’m guessing she was trying to do an exotic Cleopatra look with the Grecian Marchesa dress but the cut and neckline make her look more matron and less vixen. And looking at the hairstyle for longer than .2 seconds makes my eyes hurt.
style points: -9
This is Grecian done right. Well done, Rose Byrne, even though I’m only vaguely aware of who you are.
style points: 11
I legitimately don’t know where I stand with this dress. The color is gorgeous, looks perfect on Princess Lea’s skin and the bodice fits her newly emaciated frame to a T. But somewhere around the hip it starts to resemble a dying mermaid. And nobody, not even Oscar De La Renta, can make the dying mermaid bit work.
style points: 0
Apparently this is Maria Menounos. I imdb-d her and I’m still not really sure who she is, but her Ralph and Russo gown is beyond amazing. The color! The beaded details! And, best of all, the cutout! This is officially my favorite look of the night. Even though there’s a lot going on with the dress everything works in harmony and she looks like she belongs on that carpet—-even though she very well may not since I still don’t know who she actually is.
style points: 21
