Okay, I’m not going to lie. I’m shamefully addicted to all things Bravo Reality TV (Millionaire Matchmaker = <3) but for some reason the ‘Real Housewives of [insert random location here]’ has taken my obsession to a new level. Obviously Orange County is my favorite (mainly because Kara was in my Stats class this summer) and New Jersey is definitely my guiltiest of pleasures (Theresa flipping the dinner table, anyone) and Atlanta/New York have kind of become middle ground. Unless I’m missing one…Mars? Anyway.  So yes. I watched this season and after careful analysis I’ve decided that even though this show is quality entertainment it needs to go. Stat. For these reasons: 1. I think I’ve lost IQ points. Yes, I realize that most of what I watch can’t be considered quality television and I should probably throw in some CNN to make myself a little more well rounded (even though I’ll probably just end up watching Wolf Blitzer which can’t be beneficial to anyone) this show makes Kristin and Audrina look like nominees for the Nobel Prize.* And just to clarify I definitely don’t watch the Hills anymore. 2. For some reason the entire season focused around Kim’s computerized single ‘Tardy for the Party.’ It started in the first episode when Nene was singing it in the car with Lisa and from there it was a domino effect of general awfulness. Also according to Kim being able to record a song ‘successfully’ was the biggest personal battle she’s ever fought in her life. Not the alleged cancer she mentioned in the reunion episode of season one, not being able to convince her married ex-boyfriend/pimp to propose to her, but singing a song and having a computer make her voice something that doesn’t insult the sound barrier has been the biggest challenge of her life. Kudos, Kim. 3. Why do all of these women think they’re legitimate human beings? Lisa hired some third world seamstress to design a line for her, Sheree considers herself a designer even though she’s never even touched a pair of scissors, Kim’s designing ‘porno hair’ for white women (note to Kim, NOBODY in their right mind wants to look like you. The only reason you even want to look like yourself is because you are most definitely the craziest of crazy bitches.) and, my favorite, NENE WROTE A BOOK. Yes, a book, about never making the same mistakes twice. If only she’d followed her own advice, then there wouldn’t have been a second season of this train-wreck series. 3. The most legitimate person on the show, Kandi, was seriously nothing more than dead air time. (no really, if I still had TiVo I’d fast forward through her every week.) Clearly this was an attempt at shameless self promotion to help put her music career back in gear, but anyone who has won a Grammy and worked with Alicia Keys and *NSYNC shouldn’t have to sink this low to get a record deal. Save that for the likes of Heidi Montag.  4. I spent an entire day at work wikipedia-ing these women and none of them are even remotely legit. Nene’s husband is a manager at a low level housing company, Lisa owes her ex husband over 100,000 and lost custody of her first two kids, Kim…well, yeah, Sheree failed at robbing her ex-husband even though she has two kids who are under 18 and still entitled to child support, and Kandi’s attempt at being a publicity whore completely failed. Also the fact that I spent an entire work day doing this refers back to point 1.  Happy Friday, kids.  *Even though the validity of the Nobel prize has been questionable as of late let’s just assume we all thought Obama was a worthy recipient. Deal? deal. 

Okay, I’m not going to lie. I’m shamefully addicted to all things Bravo Reality TV (Millionaire Matchmaker = <3) but for some reason the ‘Real Housewives of [insert random location here]’ has taken my obsession to a new level. Obviously Orange County is my favorite (mainly because Kara was in my Stats class this summer) and New Jersey is definitely my guiltiest of pleasures (Theresa flipping the dinner table, anyone) and Atlanta/New York have kind of become middle ground. Unless I’m missing one…Mars? Anyway. 

So yes. I watched this season and after careful analysis I’ve decided that even though this show is quality entertainment it needs to go. Stat. For these reasons:

1. I think I’ve lost IQ points. Yes, I realize that most of what I watch can’t be considered quality television and I should probably throw in some CNN to make myself a little more well rounded (even though I’ll probably just end up watching Wolf Blitzer which can’t be beneficial to anyone) this show makes Kristin and Audrina look like nominees for the Nobel Prize.* And just to clarify I definitely don’t watch the Hills anymore.

2. For some reason the entire season focused around Kim’s computerized single ‘Tardy for the Party.’ It started in the first episode when Nene was singing it in the car with Lisa and from there it was a domino effect of general awfulness. Also according to Kim being able to record a song ‘successfully’ was the biggest personal battle she’s ever fought in her life. Not the alleged cancer she mentioned in the reunion episode of season one, not being able to convince her married ex-boyfriend/pimp to propose to her, but singing a song and having a computer make her voice something that doesn’t insult the sound barrier has been the biggest challenge of her life. Kudos, Kim.

3. Why do all of these women think they’re legitimate human beings? Lisa hired some third world seamstress to design a line for her, Sheree considers herself a designer even though she’s never even touched a pair of scissors, Kim’s designing ‘porno hair’ for white women (note to Kim, NOBODY in their right mind wants to look like you. The only reason you even want to look like yourself is because you are most definitely the craziest of crazy bitches.) and, my favorite, NENE WROTE A BOOK. Yes, a book, about never making the same mistakes twice. If only she’d followed her own advice, then there wouldn’t have been a second season of this train-wreck series.

3. The most legitimate person on the show, Kandi, was seriously nothing more than dead air time. (no really, if I still had TiVo I’d fast forward through her every week.) Clearly this was an attempt at shameless self promotion to help put her music career back in gear, but anyone who has won a Grammy and worked with Alicia Keys and *NSYNC shouldn’t have to sink this low to get a record deal. Save that for the likes of Heidi Montag. 

4. I spent an entire day at work wikipedia-ing these women and none of them are even remotely legit. Nene’s husband is a manager at a low level housing company, Lisa owes her ex husband over 100,000 and lost custody of her first two kids, Kim…well, yeah, Sheree failed at robbing her ex-husband even though she has two kids who are under 18 and still entitled to child support, and Kandi’s attempt at being a publicity whore completely failed. Also the fact that I spent an entire work day doing this refers back to point 1. 

Happy Friday, kids. 

*Even though the validity of the Nobel prize has been questionable as of late let’s just assume we all thought Obama was a worthy recipient. Deal? deal.