As much as I’d like to think that living in New York for four months has made me a bona fide city girl there’s something about suburbia that soothes my soul. Maybe it’s the giant parking lots, maybe it’s the wide streets, maybe it’s the palm trees outfitted with twinkle lights or maybe it’s the awkward giant reindeer shrubberies on Birch St.
Or maybe it’s the malls. Yes, I think we have a winner.
Say what you will about NYC shopping…the ridiculous sample sales and designer exclusives, but there isn’t a single decent shopping mall in Manhattan. Each excursion requires being outside for hours and trekking across the city on busses and subways to get everything you need. Whereas a a shopping mall has all of those stores in one convenient indoor location.
And then some.
Yes, in addition to having all decent department stores and boutiques in a sheltered abode suburban malls offer more to the day-to-day shopper than Narnia ever could. (I’m assuming shoppers go to Narnia. It’s always pre-Christmas there, right? People have to shop. Also how many Narnia references can I make on this blog before it becomes excessive? I know my epic visit to 114 will definitely involve me throwing the word Narnia around. A lot.)
ANYWAY. Suburban malls have the stores, carts where men aggressively try and straighten your hair, every ‘as seen on TV product’ and you can even be discovered as the next Miley Cyrus by a talent scout. There are just way too many things you’ll find at suburban malls that are sure to put a smile on your face starting with…
Nestle Tollhouse women giving away freshly baked cookies. Yes, those yellow apron wearing goddesses will give you a FREE cookie (take that, Mrs. Fields) if you can verify that you are 18 years old. I wasn’t aware that the legal age of consent for cookie eating was 18 but suburbia is kind of an alternate reality (LIKE NARNIA. AHEM) where anything is possible. If you didn’t think it could get weirder you will be asked to show ID if the cookie ladies doubt your legality.
Yes. They take free cookies very seriously. If only there were Keebler elves instead.
Entire stores dedicated to Hello Kitty. Yes, we’ve established I have an unhealthy obsession with Hello Kitty, it’s a little bizarre for an almost grown woman to covet a white cat dressed in pink as much as I do (it was even more bizarre that I took a pocket sized Hello Kitty to London with me and took pictures of her in front of all the sights like she was a family member…) but the fact that the second I walk in I’m surrounded by pink Hello Kitty goodness makes my heart flutter just a little bit. Walking into the store is, well, what I imagine entering Narnia would be like.
Yes, I went there.
I kid you not, the mall is wishing you a Happy Chanukah. And ocjewish.com will put you in touch with a number of eligible Jewish singles in the Orange County area.
I’m just saying.
My favorite part of any mall trip? Entering my name in to win ANY AND ALL SWEEPSTAKES. Fingers crossed I get the car.
Or the giftcard. I’ll take that too.
