It surprises people that I’m actually a legitimate Laker fan. Yes, the girl who hates dirt, can’t ride a bike and once fell asleep at a Dodger game actually does like the Lakers. I’ll admit that I generally only watch playoff games and I have little to no knowledge of what the real rules of the game are (the whole get the ball in the hoop concept stuck, but fouls/technicalities/why the ref keeps pointing in arbitrary directions are all completely lost on me) but I am, of course, good at spewing out commentary that has no relevance to the game.
So, for your reading pleasure, I’ve decided that instead of writing some glorious, flowery ode to the Lakers and their greatness I’d rather make my verbal observations written ones. Enjoy, kids.
The back of your head surpassed ridiculous far too long ago. I want to hate you because you replaced the only Laker I’ve ever had a legitimate crush on, Trevor Ariza, but the fact that you managed to pull of that trade even though you are completely batshit crazy means you must be doing something right. I’ll re-update if I ever figure out what exactly THAT is though.
I respect you when you look like this. You’re a man, you’re aggressive, you can sit out for over 3/4 of the game and still win in the last 3 minutes AND you can commit a felony while cheating on your wife and get away with it because you’re that good (and can afford obscenely expensive jewelry).
However lately you’ve started looking like this:
And I don’t think I’ll ever look at you the same way ever again.
I generally laugh uncontrollably when Jordan Farmar is allowed to play…mainly because it means that the game’s on lock and they need to let the real players rest from actually being legit so they humor Farmar and his ‘contract’ by giving him game time. I know he went to UCLA and I should have some sense of loyalty but seeing as there are far better things he can be doing than thinking he’s a real basketball player (mainly using the millions the Lakers are giving him for no real reason to get his ears pinned back) I can’t possibly take him seriously.
I’m pretty convinced that Gasol is the missing link. Or at least proof that evolution can actually go backwards. I could write an entire rant about how he’s a dirty Spaniard who I highly doubt understands what bathing is and how much I hate anyone who tries to make the phrase ‘boom boom pau’ work but it’s easier to just say: GET A HAIRCUT ALREADY. christ.
You married Khloe Kardashian. Yes, we’re confused too.
