I’ve been aching for Thursday Night TV as much as some of you have been aching for the return of Cher’s Closet. Don’t deny it, you know who you are. Last night my fingertips tingled when I set my TiVo for Jersey Shore AND Real Housewives of DC, but I was sadly only partially satisfied.
Let me explain.
I’m generally obsessed with all things Housewife related.
Orange County? Love the plastic surgery addictions and alarmingly orange spray tans.
New York? I shouldn’t even have to explain why Kelly Bensimon tickles me.
Atlanta? You mean the definition of hood rich?
New Jersey? aka validation and proof that Jersey is a waste of a state and only good for being mocked mercilessly.
But DC dropped the ball, mainly because these women are actually legitimate human beings making them failures on an entertainment scale. During their cooking parties they discuss politics and business as opposed to, y’know, their 15 year old alcoholic daughters (I’m looking at you, Lynn) one of them spent their childhood on the Kennedy property (not being a ‘prostitution whore’) and the token black woman went to Harvard business school and was, of course, classmates with Obama.
If I wanted to watch something that would enrich my life I’d actually tune into CNN, know your audience Bravo, these housewives fail to deliver.
Thankfully after an hour of what can only be described as ‘educational’ it was time for Jersey Shore. And these kids never disappoint.
First off, I’m ignoring the return of Angelina, because me acknowledging it will make her more legitimate. And she deserves none of that.
I’ll admit that the Ronnie/Sam drama is already boring, but I did love that true love can be measured by how many hours you spend with someone while they’re getting an unnecessary (and seemingly phallic) tattoo.
I also have to applaud Snooki because she’s officially Queen Bitch of the house. Yes, that 4’1” glow in the dark garden gnome runs that Miami house—-fuzzy slippers in tow. Somehow she’s now the most legitimate cast member and despite his successful music career I didn’t see Pauly D getting a Grammy invite. Only Snooks.
Of course the epic one liners make my life complete. Yes, GTL is probably the most notorious coined term of 2009, but in just two episodes Ronnie’s already trying to get people to “get filthy, creepy and weird” and Pauly D is promoting a “grenade free America.”
And PS. It’s t-shirt time.
